First post of 2009 in Blogger

It is kind of strange. While feeling so confused the last few months, I chose to confuse myself even further by reading novels, presuming that I could really get away from the confusion by submerging myself completely in it, once and for all. And I believe I did.

My head is cleared. So clear it is - my mind, that I feel I am a rational animal once again. At this moment, I really don't need any novels, except for enjoyment or studying, just in case I can really make a living playing with them, which I find not very possible. So I may as well return to something more concrete, until the new waves of confusion hit me.

And more, my schedule is going to be goddam full like a UG again. I just have no room for the confusion. Which is good. That is only possible, I think, because I am going to have a job, and certainly not less, because I don't love anybody now. I may like certain persons, but I will not let them become a big part of me unless I am a big part of them. That sounds a lot fairer. At a certain point, you really have to accept.

So, what's the so-called meaning in life? My answer used to be extremely simple. To make myself happy by making others happier. By doing more people-watching, I gotta conclude, it has no fixed answer. It only has good answers and bad answers. And my previous answer is, indeed, a very bad one. I will keep thinking..

I am thankful for the journey so far, even though I don't like it very much. Hope it is not going to be like a perpetual search, my good god..

Okay, I admit this has become my secondary blog.
It has been my major one for a while, about half a year.
Bit by bit, I have cut it, and bit by bit, I have returned to Xanga.
Do check here once in a while though.
Perhaps half a month, if you care to care.
I damn wanna cut it altogether, the blog thing.
But if that's the only thing I can write, I'll continue.
I've written about 400 words in Eng the last 2 hours. Snail's pace.
Yet 400 x 300 = 120,000. I damn wanna see it multiply.
If only you know what I mean!

Yet, I don't feel the itch as much as before.
I can wait now, so to speak.
I feel happier honestly.
There's only one time that I filled up some 6 A4 pages in an hour.
That's when I am writing about myself.
Other cases? You just need to keep trying.

怎麼說呢？前人的框架有時是錯誤的，尤其果 d 經典智慧。如果我冇理解錯誤，所謂 ge 自由意志大概係指自主能力，即可以選擇自己行為的能力。我不明白這種能力為甚麼不可以是物質本身賦予的。

我自然不信唯心論。意識自然有物質基礎 (damn, what Chinese is it!)。有物質基礎並不代表人沒有意識。只是箭嘴怎樣指的問題吧。

如何產生意識，自然未有人夠膽話自己知，但係一旦人可以將聲音化為字，存入腦袋，再與實物掛勾，然後再使其變得抽象，就有了所謂思考的能力。

這種所謂的思考只不過是將腦袋裏的字調來調去而已，而這些字原來都有一些物質基礎，是聲音、是實物。

有這種能力的動物有意識。他不再只 respond to outside stimulus, 佢重會選擇自己下一步會去接受乜野 stimulus.

人類當中無意識的那部分，就當是 chaos 吧，但無論如何脫離不了一個物質基礎。

哲學，如同好的科學理論一樣，應該是簡單的。複雜 ge 大概都係瘋子所言。你可以為瘋子的瘋而興奮，但哩個唔代表你一定要用佢地 ge 詞黎討論所謂的哲學。

我大概又自暴其短了，哈哈！

When you're a student, and you're not reading books, something's wrong.
I feel so happy, almost grateful, to finally feel like a student again.
Not your typical unthinking undergraduate,
but finally a smarter postgraduate who can decide on what to read, what to do, and what to say.
That's the most important of all.
I need academic freedom.
Otherwise, just let me perish into the real world.
How I hate institutionalization.

The single and foremost character in Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter that I can relate, and that my heart goes to, is the scholar, whose industry has been turned to hatred by some outside darkforces. The minister is a piece of shit. The woman with an "A" is pitiful, still, she should cut ties with the scholar first before getting that infamous"A" -- adultery. What's the relationship with the above paragraph though? no no no, ha ha ha.. I just feel like writing..

Where comes the confusion?

Probably it is from the many things that I ain't - yet I believe I am capable of - doing.
It is going to take time. It's not like I don't know what and where I am at.
Luckily, I still have some money from my MPhil days to support myself against
my already-below-sea-level opinions about my present self.
As the saying goes, beggars can't be choosers..... Fine, it hasn't reached the point yet.....

The pressure is on. Being jobless is no fun.
Yet picking up a job that hinders my so-called progress is just not something intelligent to do.
I'm on a mission. Stay calm, and the current choice will be the right one.

Emotions aren't something easy to handle, you know.

I've just made my first discovery in Translation Theory!
I think by their standards, it does look like a minor breakthrough!

Not that I believe no one notices it before me,
but I ain't copying anything. It is totally original.

Foucault wrote that "The task of a translator is not to lead a meaning back to itself or anywhere else; but to use the translated language to derail the translating language."

Then a guy called Antoine Berman also wrote "translating first and foremost means liberating the violence repressed in the original work through a series of intensifications in the translating language (more commonly known as the target language, TL)"

When a foreigner come across an aphorism that he knows in a text, the emotion will be weaker because he has seen that aphorism before. He may even be so familiar about it that he doesn't feel much about the phrase. Yet if the same aphorism is translated into another language, the users of which just didn't have the same concept, so the emotion that comes with it will generally be stronger.

The effect of the same phrase is intensified. Translation in this way never gives the same effect as the original. The original text does not want to surprise the readers, yet readers of the translated texts will feel that surprise!

Translation is supposed to bring the same effect to the readers of the translated text as that the original text had brought the readers of the original. Yet this is just not possible.

This will be the point of my essay! Together with a case study of 錢鍾書's 《圍城》, or Nathaniel Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter, things are all but done! 5000 words what?

I can even talk about what translated-out texts mean to locals, like Ch'ien's The Fortress Beseiged~~ Or Louis Cha's The Book and the Sword~~ And I will also mention the particular situation in HK, or any bilingual societies, where people may prefer one language over another for reading experience.

Things I've done the last two weeks just come together all of a sudden!

Well, it does take the genius of Foucault and Breman to help me condense my thoughts.

Suddenly, I am more interested in writing this paper than the thesis.. wakaka!!

紅樓夢

第一次看 "言情小說" 就挑戰如此規模的，單是人物姓名已應接不暇。
看了五回，感覺裏面的詩詞歌賦通俗之餘，
卻已教俗人無法消受，唯有 "誠意正心、正襟危坐" 再看一遍了。
話又說回來了，名著雖妙，終屬消閒讀物，
過份看重參透內裏那些可能不存在的玄機，豈非辜負了作者一番美意？
還是先囫圇吞棗一回再說！

生死疲勞

活得唔過癮 ge 話，每日都係修行。好在迷惘 ge 時候去書局，通常都有新 ge 啟發。
我今日去睇左唔少 "華文" 作家 ge 書, 每本睇幾頁。

發覺.. 高行健真係.. 算啦.. 不斷咁你我他，d 句子結構又唔似中文，搞到人完全唔想睇.. 沈從文個 tone 勁得多..

另外見到莫言那老小子的《生死疲勞》，先唔理內容好唔好，不過睇個 motivation 同果種承先啟後 ge 決心，我就覺得值得睇好多.. 寫農村五十年來 ge 光景.. 雖然同我好似冇乜關係，不過都打算試佢一試..

但係嚮自己 ge 小說到成日用一句 "莫言那小子" 來引用自己其他作品就有點兒那個.. 不過論中文造詣，一睇就知高行健差幾皮..
佢 d 中文去到邊，我唔知，不過至少 clean and clear 咁囉.. 但哩個只係一個 impression, 唔見得係真相..

不如, 哈哈, 都係 pick up 返 d French 啦~~
一睇大仲馬就想學 French~~ Francais~~

遲 d 由中班開始讀~~ 都係跳左 90 (=120-30) 個 hours 姐~~
似乎都幾易學難精呀~~ 至少要學到識睇~~將音同義分割先~~

個人認為, 作為 scientists 最基本 ge 信念應該係：只要時間無限，就冇野學唔識~~
但係.. 我又好認同莊子喎..

不過殆咪殆囉.. 係唔係都殆架啦~~

It's time to take the next step forward

I'll try whatever ways to keep my spirits high.
If only I know how.

Should I devote myself in just one single thing?
It is subtraction by addition now.

Just focus on the arts of translation, perhaps?

Memory alone doesn't exactly define a person.
It is the way you interpret your memory that defines you.
In turn, the desires resulted from this interpretation are what make you a human being.

There're no ways to forget or escape from the desires.
And there're no better ways of living than to live through them,
and to try turning your righteous desires into reality,
however tired it can be.

Those that are not compatible with your moral system?
For the love of NATURE, just throw them away!

I don't think I'm in position to preach about this.
But I do think 學術 is kind of tiresome under this atmosphere. 藝術's better.

The arts of storytelling, rhetoric, poetry, music, calligraphy, or even painting,
all of them can give me a sense of peace that cannot be found anywhere else.

Hoho, really want to do a creative writing degree abroad.
Take this as a joke though, I pray you.

=====

Britishcouncil 60 anniversary scholarships??

If you are a permanent resident of Hong Kong SAR not currently working or studying in the UK, and you have applied for a Bachelor's course or Master's course at a participating UK institution, you are eligible to apply.

The British Council 60th Anniversary Scholarships celebrate their 60 years in Hong Kong by giving Hong Kong students the chance to experience a UK education. They are delighted to share their achievements by giving something back to the Hong Kong community through these awards generously donated by the institutions.

The nearly 50 scholarships to be awarded involve the waiving of tuition fees for one year of study in a school, college or university, for the academic year 2009/10. They may be for study towards a UK qualification either in the UK or Hong Kong.

http://www.britishcouncil.org/hongkong-education-60-anniversary-scholarships-postgraduate-study-2.htm

Today I have a new goal. I had it a few months ago, but I forgot.
I have to help my Dad to get his damn book published or printed in book-form.
I think he has kind of trapped himself in it.
Why don't I satisfy his wish if I have time?

That is after I went to the calligraphy class.

You know I really want to tell this seventy-something-year-old teacher,
"Hey, if you have anything uncertain about softwares, I am ready to help."
I mean, damn, old ppl shouldn't be trapped by these kind of craps.
I can do it in 5 minutes, maybe, but they may take an hour.. That's just too painful..

I really want to do them a favor if possible.
But if I want to help - even this teacher which I will see just 6 times more - why don't I help HIM instead?

=====

There's silliness on my part. I want to do so much stuff which has nothing to do with me.
Every person has their place??

I feel that I'm very passionate the last 24 hours or so.
Little by Little, Bit by Bit, By and By,
I am going to resume my toughness,
that was lost since some 12 months ago.

Damn, you shouldn't act like a beaten-up dog.
You are a human being,
and human beings are the only species that got a lot of works to do.
You must work to be one of them.

=====

Oh God, I am starting to feel satisfaction!
It does sound more logical now!
Look like I can really celebrate in a few days!

I think it's better to stop the swearing and get down to work.
You've gotta love working. Academic or not, it's going to be ur life soon.

Damn, it really depresses me

Man, I am really screwed up. I don't like it any more. I mean physics.
I think I won't like it again until I have some dough in my pocket.
I am not very good in following others' rules,
including the rules in academia, if you want to be specific.
I am better in making my own rules.
Damn, how it depresses me.
I haven't been whining that much for years.
Not until I run into the still unfinished thesis again.
What the fuck, if you want to hear me say that.
It's just a few days of work from being completed.
Why does it take so long? I know not.
There're just too much things on-going behind the scene.

=====

Don't worry about me though.
I am just writing.

I hate to say that

But doing an MPhil is just good for getting me a few bucks to pursue my dreams, if I still have any.
Before, I just don't have any money to fancy with, if you want to know the truth.
I am going to be a wise spender and all. And ain't me one now?

I used to think, in the last few months, the changes in me are due to the books.
Now I know, it is only the money.

Without the money, I don't even have the chance to feel solitary and all,
and if I don't feel that, I wouldn't even have looked into books, if you want to know the truth, again.

I am quite idealistic

So idealistic that just because I understand better now,
I find it hard not to give a damn when doing something meaningless.
The fact is, there isn't too much things that are meaningful in this world.

Paying tribute to the author of my choice

I am almost disgusted with myself saying what courses I'll take while indeed I should be doing something else. I'm still not entirely free yet. Damn. Anyway, these are the 3 courses for next semester:
1. Litorary Translaxin (This is for fun. The course I'm most looking forward to)
2. Translaxin of Publeak Relaxins Writin's (I'm gonna hell with something useful)
3. Natoral Language Procexin' (This is for knowledge. After this HOLY semester, I need something solid, and a good teacher that teaches. The other 2 are great too, I guess)

And still there's the Putonghua. A big plan. But you've gotta execute it.
After all these damn years, I can really speak "an" English with a different flavor. wakaka.
But I just can't understand why they all speak like that.
Except a few of them. The accent thing is infectious.

It is tormentin' to listen to such presenters 3 or 4 times a day.
Oh, or was it a night instead of a day?
What a lovely accent they have.
This lovely affliction of an accent.

It is even more tormentin' to hear somebody say,
"You've done such a nice presentation."

How great it could be were I the true author of it!!

In the recorded history of Chinese painting, the one who started the drawing of ink-plums [1] was a monk called Huaguang, more commonly known as Zhongren [1] (d. 1123), who lived during the Northern Song Dynasty. “When drawing plums earthlings apply coloured powder; this mountain monk mashes water inks instead” [2]. His hometown was in the present-day Zhejiang Province, yet he had for a prolonged period, lived in Huaguang Temple in Hengyang (Hunan). While admiring the beauty of plums through the air soaked in the lunar beam, he was inspired by “the sparse and flickering shadows of the twigs in the water” [3]. Thus began his drawing on mildly ink-misted papers, the plum blossoms as white patches. This successful depiction of the plums’ lonely beauty and cool dignity in the moonlit night was what made him famous.

Yang Buzhi’s (c. 1098 – 1167) [4] plums are different from Zhongren’s. The technique he used was, literally, “thin-lined flower circling”, or the “circled petal technique” [4] – each petal was completed in one single circular stroke. It was said that his drawings were imbued with “sharp and sturdy” calligraphy, which is what he drew his plums with. This could indeed be verified in his paintings from the “ringing sharpness and flying white [5]” of the twigs. Yang’s ink-flowers had once a chance encounter with Emperor Gaozong’s [6] eyes. The emperor himself loved the arts of painting, sort of; but on seeing it, he commented disapprovingly, and ridiculed it as “country plum” against the more exquisite and realistic “court plum”. Shown here is “Icy-tipped Plum Blossoms” [7] (Ceng-Die Bing-Xiao Tu), a piece by Ma Lin (c. 1185 – 1256) [8], son of Ma Yuan (c. 1155 – 1225) [8]. Although its composition and its artistic conception are also saturated with the literati’s spirit, its depiction of plums is still very much the typical style of court painting. Yang Buzhi did not feel shameful about his country aroma at all; on the contrary, he inscribed on his painting the four words “feng chi cun mei”, which meant “imperially endowed country plums”. This episode reflects the consciously manifest differences in aesthetics between the literati and the imperial court officials.

1 “The Dictionary of Art”, ed. Turner, J., vol. 6. New York: Grove’s Dictionaries (1996).
2 From Hua Zhen (Northern Song Dynasty), “Ti Zhongren Mojuan Meihua” in “Yunxi Jushi Ji”.
3 From Lin Bu (Northern Song Dynasty), “Shanyuan Xiaomei”.
4 “The Dictionary of Art”, ed. Turner, J., vol. 33. New York: Grove’s Dictionaries (1996).
5 Munsterberg, H., “Dictionary of Chinese and Japanese Art”. New York: Hacker Arts Books (1981).
6 Zhou Gou (1107 – 1187), was Southern Song Dynasty’s first emperor.
7 Website of “Beijing Zijin Cheng Tiandi Cultural Development Co., Ltd” (北京紫禁城天地文化發展有限公司) :
http://www.gugongworld.com.cn/songdai/cengdiebingxiao.html
8 “The Dictionary of Art”, ed. Turner, J., vol. 19. New York: Grove’s Dictionaries (1996).

=====

Doing translation is not funny at all when you have to quote references and add footnotes.

I'm just not in the mood of posting here these days

I don't know why. Maybe, there's nothing I can't tell others that I can tell??
Maybe I've just told everything, perhaps so much more than I should??

I am still fine and all. I haven't lost any of my parts.
I am still a whole person. A whole person is full of worries and dreams. Fantasies. Well, almost.

I don't mean to say anything.
Somehow, I just sense the change.
I don't like it at all.
But it's time for a new life.

=====

I don't need anybody to understand me. I am no goddam philosopher.
And my life is not a bit interesting.. at least to others..

And I don't understand others too. Life is just a big puzzle.

I think God is really playing a damn game. Is it blasphemy or what? I don't care.
Everybody's so different. I am I, you are you, and he is he, she is she.
Yet why DID I still believe there're some important similarities between us?
That tricks me for the most part, but that tricks others too.

Different we are, so why do we still have so many common rules to follow?
Why can't people just recognize this and stop pushing me to torment myself,
while indeed, not a single person has actually even said a word?

=====

I am actually quite happy with myself.
It's the night. It kills my mood.
Nights are for writing about solitude.
Writing about mine and others'.

I've seen so many people who could have been much better.
Yet somehow, they are still just the ways they are.
Escape is what I am searching.
Even when there's no escape. I have to.

=====

Why the night? After a whole day of exploration, there's so much to tell.
"Listen, are you listening?"

=====

This is the best prose I've ever written. Indeed. For it's real and all.

Your ideal person does not exist

Pragmatic as certain people are, they do have certain ideals they are aspiring for.
The only difference between one and the other is the fire they put in the aspiration.
I always feel like I have a long way to go. But who doesn't?
I see one of my ideals realized in a certain person,
but they are never realized together in a single person.
Each person is smart and dumb in his or her own ways.
And what's the use of realizing it anyway?
I'll turn down the fire, be patient, and be peaceful.
Doesn't matter how much longer it takes.
You just have to keep your energy levels high.

What if I could actually achieve it?
Would I be happy the rest of my life?
Or, would I get jealous again and set new goals to accomplish again?
One thing that puzzles me is, why it takes so much effort to be who you want to be.
Why do you always have to learn a survival skill before devoting yourself to something?

My shelf gets richer again

4 items, $579 (roughly 21% off):

1. 新漢英詞典 (I need it for translation)
2. 史記，中華書局 1959 年標點版 (I just want to have it)
3. East and West, Chris Patten (What has happened from the time of my birth, to 1997??)
4. 1914 - 1918, The History of the First World War (It's time to learn a bit of history)

I looks like a crazy man today, carrying some 30 pounds (or 40??) around..
Fortunately, my back is still, as always, not a bit broken, and my spinal cord is still straight..

=====

普通話文憑 interview today, inconclusive.. Hope I'll be offered a place~~
I think I am getting more and more serious to jump ship, from science to arts~~
Lemme teach Eng and World History!! Still have to wait 2 more years though..
And that means I still have 2 more years to prepare myself..

Arts??

I never know what it is. I never believe in it.
I never realize how powerful it can be.
Until the course on arts translation forced me into it.

Arts has such a softening and melting power.
Things around me start to look different.
I describe the scenery with different words,
stored it in pictures of different forms,
and thought about it in different manner.
The eyes are starting to penetrate the surface,
so as to perceive what are underneath.

The understanding may not be right,
for no logic is involved.
The confusion takes away the energy from my physical body,
but it imbues on me a sort of calmness,
which sounds contradictory, because you don't expect a confused person to be calm,
yet I'm telling the truth.

In any cases, I would try to become an appreciator of certain forms of arts,
novels, poems, and perhaps Chinese painting in the broadest sense..

The money is well spent. I believe.
For it opens my mind a lot.
Much more than anybody thought including myself.
The stages in life looks like this:
1. Happiness
2. Arrogance
3. Fear
4. Enlightened with science
5. Become selfless
6. Become too selfless
7. Confusion
8. Rediscover and recreate yourself with arts
9...

And what's next??

I've bought 7 books today

Each $20, and new, from PageOne.
I've almost developed a dog's instinct to "smell" whether a name is Irish or not.
The rule is simple, when there're O', Mc, Mac, etc.,
then 90% of time, it's an Irish name.
Yet this rule does not work all the time,
like, Shaquille O'neal is certainly not an Irish guy..

And then their style of writing cannot be mistaken.
Many of them write with a storyteller's tone, yet an innocent voice,
also with big words that you don't normally come across,
and that says, they have as powerful a vocab as any tribes on earth.

And love they do, to write sentences like these.
So out of the mountain of discounted books, I picked 7:

1. Forty-Seven Roses -- A Memoir by Peter Sheridan
　(MAC: Sharp, jazzy, hilarious and often painful... You'll rejoice in this wild song of a book)
2. The Riddles of the Sands by Erskine Childers (1870 - 1922)
　(A spy thriller, haven't read anything like this before)
3. The Savage God -- A Study of Suicide by Al Alvarez
　(It catches my eyes coz on the first page, a physics teacher kills himself. It's real. Not a story)
4. Floods, Famines and Emperors -- El Nino and the Fate of Civilizations by Brian Fagan (UCSB)
　(El Nino, for the purpose of Gen. Ed.)
5. The Manhatten Project -- Big Science and the Atom Bomb
　(What has happened to them physicists at that time??)
6. Concise Encyclopedia of Robotics
　(I think a reference like this is good for a PT translator)
7. The As Seen On TV Cookbook
　(MAC: teenagers are always hungry & horny)
　(He is right, reading recipe is a good way to build vocabulary)
　(And I have a growing interest in FOOD)

Once you're determined to be a generalist that understands,
you will know how to choose your books to read..
(though to actually read them, or not to read them, is another story)

I have made up my mind, to specialize in GEN. ED.

New short-term dreams??

With an MA in translation, I am qualified to teach English??!! That's the biggest news of today!!
Okay Okay, I will try to save up, stock my mind, and when the time comes,
I will give myself a big 1-month trip to the British Isles.
Do it within the next 24 months, perhaps??

Then if I can get the full-time freelance, I will also go to Taiwan for a month.. wakaka..
work there and play there.. just a month.. that's enough.. April or May??
HK dollar is worth a lot there!! and I can indulge myself with books.. books.. books..

And what about the dream of studying abroad??
Is it still here?? I wonder.. Age = 26??

It has been a while

Things go quite well, and I am quite satisfied, so I have less ambitions and emotions to share.
The Taiwan trip gives me a real break in what? 2.5 years?
I love Taiwan. It can as well be the most habitable Chinese place on the Earth.
Yet who doesn't love his hometown? I hate it, because I love it.
I am not totally anti-modern, so in my mind,
those rural parts of China aren't really that attractive..

Anyway, there're a lot to do in the next 1.5 months.

=====

Intrinsically, I am still a scientist that is always thinking and criticizing.
I don't trust authority unless you're close to the smartest that are both broad and deep.
So, when the so-called translation theorists propose anything,
I always think I can do it better, because their methods aren't that systematic..

Yet people tend to think that they are already the authority,
and that makes me quite sick.
A lot of Western theories have nothing to do with E-C or C-E translation,
so why can't they do a bit of thinking themselves??

I hate it when my words are banned because it doesn't fit with their stupid definitions..
I don't like to say "so and so said this and that", unless so and so is admirable and trustworthy..

=====

I am being so negative above.
BUT I also realize that I am only seeing one face of any persons in most occasions.
It's hard to meet a person that isn't better than me in one sense or another.
I only have to explore. And I come to learn that, every one is special in his/her own way.

But the faces I usually met are not.
They are stubborn, stupid and shallow, or too deep that I don't know what they're truly thinking.
They have looks that tell they are pretending. And I don't know why that has to be the way.
It is sad that you can't be who you really are.
It's such a pity.

That's why close friends are so precious.
You don't need to pretend.
I lost a dozen. I gained one. I hope I can gain more.
I don't lose them. This is just how it is.
I think that's the dynamics of friendship. It changes with time.

I think the way to live is easy in principle.
You place yourself in a position to make as much close friends as possible.
The closest of the close is what makes living the most wonderful experience.

But in practice?

When nobody is close, one suffers. Suffer a good portion of time.
I don't believe in God. God is in the farthest place of the Heaven.
I am sorry for him. Nobody is close to him.
People love him, maybe, yet he is lonely.

And how can you be happy when you're lonely??

Maybe it is odd, I don't know

Dear Ms. Chen,

I am interested in the freelance translator post. While I have no previous
translation experiences, I am currently studying a MA degree in Translation at
CUHK. I am confident that I could fulfill the requirements of the job (1500
words/day, 5 days/week), for I have a good command of both English and Chinese,
and I am a fast-learner that have been used to work independently. My strong
educational background, my broad interests, as well as numerous research
experiences will make me a quality candidate for the translation job.

I am looking forward to the trial translation, yet I will be visiting Taiwan
the next couple of days, so please allow some time (until next Wednesday) for my
ensuing reply.

Attached please find my curriculum vitae. Thank you for your kind attention.

Best regards,
Manson Fong.

Do I talk like a writer??

No no, at this point, I am just a devoted learner of languages.
I used to think as a Chinese, I should write in Chinese.
Then I realize my Chinese is going nowhere.
The struggle to choose a language is officially over now.
Maybe that explains why there's some progress in my English.

The progress is superficial, I know that.
For there's not a single word in this post that you don't know.

You know what, I am even talking to myself in English many of the time.
I don't know why this shift in language occurs.
Maybe it's the audio-books~~ They're the culprit!!
They take away my mother tongue..

Is it good or bad??

I've got a sense of freedom in words

In English words in particular. There're less rules to follow.
To know that you can write freely is enough to be a reason for joy.
This freedom is present for any writing system that uses alphabets.
I can use this -- kgnockgnoc -- to mean a deep sleep for example,
which by itself is funny enough..

honestly, I think that Chinese language is too succinct..
and this takes away some of our creativity..

so, we still don't have any courses on Creative Writing in Chinese..

yet I learnt these days that Chinese and English are actually very similar in terms of grammar.
They are both analytic language. So, scholars actually claim that Chinese is closer to English
than say, German, Italian or those European languages, even though English is a Germanic language.

The opposite of an analytic language is a synthetic language.
I ain't that clear about the definition yet.
But a synthetic language usually involves a lot of "inflexions" of words,
singular, plural, subject, object, etc. they all got different word forms..

For example, Spanish is a crazy synthetic language. You can have 20 forms for the same word!!
The consequence is, the word order isn't that important..
I can say "you beat he" or "he beat you" or "beat he you" or "beat you he",
and the meanings are all the same,
because the "he" or the "you" in Spanish will be of different form,
to indicate which is the subject & which is the object..
and the "beat" will change too, but I don't know how..

Stay away from novels for now

多虧了 Ken Kesey，使我覺得要看 19th century novels 也不用太著急，買了就是買了..
個故事太 moving了，搞到暫時未有 mood 睇新野，應該可以 focus，太好了。

今晚唸一唸 schedule 就覺得自己應該開始做野。
一係淨係 sit 史記算喇。

Oct 10 本來想哩日交 thesis，但睇黎唔得..
Oct 11-14 Taiwan
Oct 21 Calligraphy class starts??
Oct 25 Putonghua Interview??
Oct 29 Arts Translation (2 assignments, 1 presentation, 60% combined)
Nov 13 Translation Studies (group presentation 25%)
Nov 26 Arts Translation Exam (30%)
Nov 27 Due date of term pater (60%)
Nov 28 Absolute Deadline of Thesis

So.. work harder!!
Just now I am translating a Chinese painting text into English.. it's so hard..
C'mon, it's just a paragraph!!

And it is really hard to be a student without hall..
almost worn out by all the travelling..
but I don't know, I dread staying at home.. I really do..

飛越瘋人院 (final post)

這是一個不尋常的故事。不看到最後，始終看不清作者想表達的是甚麼。
用三百頁塑造了一個 "人民英雄" 出來，卻不消二十頁就把他徹底地摧毀。
所有痛苦的掙扎，也只能是子虛烏有。

作者想表達的，我覺得是對 institutionalization 的不滿。
對精神病患者的關心，僅是表象，只是表達不滿的媒介。
他說得再明白不過了，這些人全都是正常人，只是因為 majority rule 而成了少數。
以 the Big Nurse 為首的 the Combine，指的是世俗的觀念，一種頑固而保守的制度。
間或有一兩個 "精神病患者"，因為長期的不滿，把抱怨申訴出來，得到的答覆永遠只是
This is a rule. This is a rule set by majority. You nuts have to follow.
否則，後果自負。更甚，違令者死！Adjust yourself or vanish！

於是 McMurphy 死了。大條道理地給殺死了。

The way he was killed: Lobotomy, a procedure that is now seen as
"one of the most barbaric mistakes ever perpetrated by mainstream medicine"..
證明作者並不 bullshit..

最後卻也指出再強悍的制度，也只是由弱者 (the Big Nurse) 來支配，並不全然 insurmountable。
然而，更聰明的做法是甚麼？

正如上一個 post：為善無近名，為惡無近刑，緣督以為經！
作者自然不曉這幾句話，但 narrator 的結局正正顯出他也有這個想法。

這並不只是適者生存這麼簡單，而是很個人的，不要作繭自縛，
再憎恨的，也總有忘記、又或者變得不再重要的一天。

=====

我覺得驚訝的自然不是這個我早已明白、卻從來不想遵從的道理，
而是作者選材的寬度和現代性。

不過，最後幾十頁，有很多地方我覺得寫壞了。
但以一個 27-year-old 來寫第一本 novel，
可以成為一本 20th century classic,
都真係.. 非常之.. 勁！

=====

今日又看了這齣戲。沒看過小說，一定難以體會。
主角原來係積尼高遜.. ha ha..
改得唔可以話差，但係都真係唔見左好多野..
有好有唔好啦~~

=====

小說好是好，但，我並不真的喜歡。
我覺得我明白了一點。
之後我選書的標準會有所改變。
逃出 "魔幻紀"？

It's again a tale of day and night

the writing in the daytime is more positive..
at night, it is bound to be more gloomy, and tell the truth..
try to sleep early & wake up early.. that's the solution..

知識的盡頭？

One Xangan wrote:

"Life is basically confusing. Why not allow ourselves to be confused by arts then? I don't like the meaning of audience or visitors in an arts museum or gallery..."

I'm confused.. I'm totally confused..

There's a reason not to allow ourselves to be confused by arts..
and THAT REASON is, staying in a state of confusion is hard..

things as precise as science would cause confusion when it isn't done in the proper manner,
let alone arts that have no fixed rules..

it's really time to get a job, just for the sake of getting paid..
it would ease the confusion.. I guess..

I start to agree with 莊子：

吾生也有涯，而知也無涯；以有涯隨無涯，殆矣！
為善無近名，為惡無近刑，緣督以為經。

人生的概要，盡在其中。但概要所不包涵的，所不能顧及的，還是要靠自己找出答案。
Confusion.. Confucius!!

ha.. I am calling Confucius like Jesus..
this I think can also be regarded as a way to translation Jesus: 孔子！

=====

I have 'Tis and Teacher Man on my back, right??
So how to get out of it??
"Our" states of confusion are so alike..
Does it really have to take so long to overcome whatever inadequacies on your part??

It must be an ecstasy of joy to start a degree program at 23..
with a few more years on the belt, probably it would be much better..
19 is too young.. 22 seems a good age to me..

I hope I can be as tough as this little old mick..
aside from the tongue, the fist, the memory, this is all he has..
and that's already good enough..
I mean toughness alone is good enough..

=====

the reading of novels could cause so much confusion..
especially when I'm moving to 20th century..
each age has its own problems..
and the problems of the 20th century is so exotic,
more exotic than the previous ages..

can I just believe, 21st century is a new age, that nothing's gonna left over??
of course not!!

Reading 19th century things is for joy, for nostalgia, for an appreciation of the old times..
Reading 20th century things is a way to find out the answer..

I suppose working is also one of the possible answers..
I may as well teach physics asap..
and give up any false hopes of getting a PhD just for the sake of a "better" future..
give up my false hopes of learning languages..
give up my false hopes of learning anything at all.. except learning how to teach..

yet am I prepared enough to enjoy my job??
Com'on, you can't scrape through 30 years like a machine..
one must be able to enjoy the prime.. and that's the point..
after the prime, everything's gone..

False hopes?? why not get them true??
be patient just for another year, can you??

where did I get the nerve that I would ever be able to act like myself??

60 pages to go

飛左二十幾頁.. 有好多段睇唔明..
希望有個有深度 ge 結局！

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (continue)

It has to be the most intricate novel I've read.
I don't know the ways they classify it, modernist or post-modernist, that kind of crap..
This is just so real.. this is not a political novel..
this is not like those complex love stories which tell only shit..
this ain't no science fictions, and no nostalgic novels (which I personally like)..
it targets at the deepest point of the many-body nature of our society.. extremely brilliant!!

This is about those who need help adjusting to the damn system..
With the superiors telling only the rules for their own selfish sake,
as well as the damned majority who keeps stepping on others to rise up
without noticing that they are being evil,
the helpless remains helpless and hopeless,
even though they are noticing their hopelessness..
they are not like those nuts who have no eyes to see there's actually problem to solve..

Yet what's the main problem?? Are there any solutions??
Hope the author gives me some insights.. This guy is damn smart!!
How can he invent such a story at the age of 27??!!

At p. 205 now.. 120 pages to go..

=====

同樣係對一個不良制度 ge 諷刺，圍城顯得遜色好多，亦都見唔倒果種對制度強烈 ge distaste..
巴金 ge 家，又或者沈從文 ge 小說，好多都太呼之欲出，論深度的確係人地勁 d..
魯迅果 d 潑婦罵街就簡直唔入流..
McCourt 嚮 church 同 education 方面 ge rebellion, 多數都只係訴苦加 bragging~~ 雖然我好受~~
老殘呢？真係要睇睇.. Huxley 呢？ Orwell 呢？嗯嗯，實在太多野 "要" 睇..
Dostoyevsky 又要.. 又係一個睇二十頁就令人印象深刻 ge 高人..

我在搞, Comparative literature 嗎??

What to read next?

I'm getting excited over the novels I've accumulated.
Many of them are classics that are always mentioned within the context of Eng. lit.:
1. Robinson Crusoe (1719) by Daniel Defoe
2. Gulliver's Travels (1726) by Jonathan Swift
3. The Scarlet Letter (1850) by Nathaniel Hawthorne
4. Moby-Dick (1851) by Herman Melville
5. Far from the Madding Crowd (1874) by Thomas Hardy
　(This is generally not considered his masterpiece though)
6. Heart of Darkness (1902) by Joseph Conrad

But sometimes, it's more satisfying to discover newer writers.
Like, just now, I tried reading a novel set in a mental hospital.
It is always said that the School is a miniature of the Society.
The novel suggests otherwise, that the Society is just one big lunatic asylum.
The idea is of course valid without any proof, only that it takes arts to reveal such simple facts.
I think I may be able to discover something in this satire (or comedy??).
I read the first 26 pages, jumped to p. 145 and found that indeed I could continue!
and I continued for 18 more pages~~

The novel is hard to understand, for the narrator is a patient himself.
It's like reading a poor man's "The Sound and the Fury" (which won a Nobel),
so poor that even though it is deemed a 20th century classics,
yet no Chinese translation exists to date.
There's a film though, and it had sold well, so maybe I can watch it too~~
It would certainly help my understanding, although compared with Faulkner's Nobel-winning piece,
it has to be considered an easy-read~~ Easy enough to leave me possible excitement!!
In Faulkner's case, it is just all too hard, man..

Oh, did I not mention the name of the novel??
It is again, One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest by Ken Kesey.. (飛越瘋人院)