Confused, again..

I suddenly realize that I have lost all my interest in (trying to) doing condensed matter physics, not even the true research.. I don't believe I can, and I don't believe I want that..

My faith is betraying myself.. Sometimes, you got to be less conscious and take whatever available to you.. but I am not going to do this..

Life is so ironic. The popular science books re-ignite my true interest in science that has been masked by some stupid exams for years; but then, this new-found interests push me to stop doing something I don't particularly care about.

Being too ideological will place myself at a disadvantage. But I can't help that. "Never force yourself to do anything." This sentence is so strong that I must agree with, but at the same time, I know I can't survive in doing this.

Maybe, one that never needs to face any financial problems will be like that.. I am just not pragmatic and materialistic enough to face the challenge of this STUPID world..

The worst case scenario, or actually it maybe the best, is that, I just follow my gut again to take a year off, SO AS TO PONDER MY WAY OUT. My newly-born faith, is always oscillating these days. But compared with that faithless guy half a year ago, I believe I am happier with the present "me", although as to now, this happiness didn't show on my surface.. I just need to wait enough time for those oscillations to damp out.. (you see, I am really filled with 221 words these days)

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If I follow my gut, Neuroscience, Biophysics, and Physics (particle physics, string theory) are the only programs that I would consider at this moment.. but I just don't see it happening..

Maybe I should just go for the first 2 instead of wasting anytime in doing some physics that I no longer care..

I am making so many "personal statements" here, but I just can't come up with one single personal statement that I need in order to apply school.. you fool!!