I think, at 23 going to 24 without any feeling of security, and as believed the innocence is gone, so you're bound to have thousands of questions in your head. Confusion is not good for health, but probably good for the future, as it will drive you to think for yourself.
And I am thinking too much these days. You can't be thinking all day and still be able to put enough effort in understanding a damn program, but this is all I need now. There are some progress but it is slow as always.
Are there any ways that I can concentrate?
Today is strange that it is really "a tale of two sides". In the day, the rational side wins and at night, the emotional side wins. But you know, I enjoy the emotional side more. It is more meaningful. It is all about you yourself, but not some other stuff that you're no more than an outsider.
Well, what I do is quite normal today.. Wake up, have breakfast, do research, have lunch at 3pm, work another 2 hours, and have a walk with flying ants all over and kissing my cheeks, have dinner, watch a 1995 recording of a seminar about Chinese Literature, back to the dorm, have some chatting on MSN, read a bit of the big book -- life -- when a man was 23 with no high school education and hence dark clouds in his head as well as the day he become an orphan losing his mother first and then his father when he was in his early 50s..
23, I am 23 myself, and I understand that feeling..
The action is normal, but the mind is not.. oh my, when can I feel secured?! If the only way is to forget your own self, what's the use of living?!
A good life story can really keep you thinking day, noon and night.. It's not like the earthquake that only less than 0.00001% of people would ever experience.. It is commonplace.. we are human and we're bound to have those problems to deal with..
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