小試牛刀

When will my true self return? Sometimes, for mental health, one has to give up. God knows why I'm doing all these, while I'm longing for other matter..

Toughen up, finish off the 1st act in your life first, and go on to the 2nd act as a person controlling your own destiny.. Get a "compatible" job where I'd feel secure, and have a sideline or whatever to give myself the feeling of liveliness I sorely need..

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Still feeling sick.. Couldn't force myself to work again, especially when tomolo's again a holiday.. Instead, I went downstairs and played table tennis with brother.. I also played with the babies today.. They were noisy as hell, and well, I might be so atypical even when I was small, that I really got to thank them for giving me a chance trying to be small.. The feeling's quite good..

By the way, tonight, I just wanna do some translation. I randomly select a paragraph. I just love the state of mind when I'm writing, copying, scribbling, typing.. It is so peaceful..

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從都柏林回來後一年，那老朋友 R’Lene Dahlberg 把我介紹給 Stuyvesant High School 的英文系系主任 Roger Goodman。他問我有沒有興趣替不知害了甚麼病的 Mr. Joe Curran 代一個月左右的課。據說 Stuyvesant 是全市最好的高中，是一眾高中的哈佛，是好幾位諾貝爾得奬者的母校，當然也是 James Cagney 的母校。無論男生或女生，只要進了這所高中，全國頂好的大學也會為你大開門戶。每一年 Stuyvesant 的入學試，總有一萬三千名考生應考，而學校只會篩選出成績最好的七百位。

A year after I returned from Dublin, our old friend R’lene Dahlberg introduced me to Roger Goodman, head of the English Department at Stuyvesant High School. He asked if I would be interested in covering the classes of Mr. Joe Curran for a month or so while he convalesced from something. Stuyvesant was said to be the top high school in the city, the Harvard of high schools, alma mater of various Novel Prize winners, of James Cagney himself, a school where, as soon as a boy or girl was admitted, doors opened to the best universities in the country. Thirteen thousand candidates sat every year for the Stuyvesant admissions test and the school skimmed off the top seven hundred.

現在，那不可能成為這七百人的我，卻在這兒教書。

Now I taught where I could never have been one of the seven hundred.

幾個月後，當 Joe Curran 回來後，Roger Goodman 想給我一個永久職位。他說學生都喜歡我，認為我是個充滿朝氣和魅力的老師。我的加入對英文系來說將會很有價值。他的稱讚令我感到尷尬，但我答應了。Thank you。我對自己說我只會留兩年。全市的老師都爭著 Stuyvesant High School 的職位，但我卻想走進世界。上了一整天的課後，你的腦海充斥着青少年的噪音、他們的煩惱和他們的夢。這些東西伴隨你到餐桌、到戲院、到浴室，直到床上。

When Joe Curran returned after a few months Roger Goodman offered me a permanent position. He said the kids liked me, that I was a vital, engaging teacher, that I’d be a valuable addition to the English Department. I was embarrassed by this praise but I said yes and thank you. I promised myself I’d stay only two years. Teachers all over the city vied for jobs at Stuyvesant High School, but I wanted to be out in the world. At the end of a school day you leave with a head filled with adolescent noises, their worries, their dreams. They follow you to dinner, to the movies, to the bathroom, to the bed.