First post of 2009 in Blogger

It is kind of strange. While feeling so confused the last few months, I chose to confuse myself even further by reading novels, presuming that I could really get away from the confusion by submerging myself completely in it, once and for all. And I believe I did.

My head is cleared. So clear it is - my mind, that I feel I am a rational animal once again. At this moment, I really don't need any novels, except for enjoyment or studying, just in case I can really make a living playing with them, which I find not very possible. So I may as well return to something more concrete, until the new waves of confusion hit me.

And more, my schedule is going to be goddam full like a UG again. I just have no room for the confusion. Which is good. That is only possible, I think, because I am going to have a job, and certainly not less, because I don't love anybody now. I may like certain persons, but I will not let them become a big part of me unless I am a big part of them. That sounds a lot fairer. At a certain point, you really have to accept.

So, what's the so-called meaning in life? My answer used to be extremely simple. To make myself happy by making others happier. By doing more people-watching, I gotta conclude, it has no fixed answer. It only has good answers and bad answers. And my previous answer is, indeed, a very bad one. I will keep thinking..

I am thankful for the journey so far, even though I don't like it very much. Hope it is not going to be like a perpetual search, my good god..

Okay, I admit this has become my secondary blog.
It has been my major one for a while, about half a year.
Bit by bit, I have cut it, and bit by bit, I have returned to Xanga.
Do check here once in a while though.
Perhaps half a month, if you care to care.
I damn wanna cut it altogether, the blog thing.
But if that's the only thing I can write, I'll continue.
I've written about 400 words in Eng the last 2 hours. Snail's pace.
Yet 400 x 300 = 120,000. I damn wanna see it multiply.
If only you know what I mean!

Yet, I don't feel the itch as much as before.
I can wait now, so to speak.
I feel happier honestly.
There's only one time that I filled up some 6 A4 pages in an hour.
That's when I am writing about myself.
Other cases? You just need to keep trying.

怎麼說呢？前人的框架有時是錯誤的，尤其果 d 經典智慧。如果我冇理解錯誤，所謂 ge 自由意志大概係指自主能力，即可以選擇自己行為的能力。我不明白這種能力為甚麼不可以是物質本身賦予的。

我自然不信唯心論。意識自然有物質基礎 (damn, what Chinese is it!)。有物質基礎並不代表人沒有意識。只是箭嘴怎樣指的問題吧。

如何產生意識，自然未有人夠膽話自己知，但係一旦人可以將聲音化為字，存入腦袋，再與實物掛勾，然後再使其變得抽象，就有了所謂思考的能力。

這種所謂的思考只不過是將腦袋裏的字調來調去而已，而這些字原來都有一些物質基礎，是聲音、是實物。

有這種能力的動物有意識。他不再只 respond to outside stimulus, 佢重會選擇自己下一步會去接受乜野 stimulus.

人類當中無意識的那部分，就當是 chaos 吧，但無論如何脫離不了一個物質基礎。

哲學，如同好的科學理論一樣，應該是簡單的。複雜 ge 大概都係瘋子所言。你可以為瘋子的瘋而興奮，但哩個唔代表你一定要用佢地 ge 詞黎討論所謂的哲學。

我大概又自暴其短了，哈哈！

When you're a student, and you're not reading books, something's wrong.
I feel so happy, almost grateful, to finally feel like a student again.
Not your typical unthinking undergraduate,
but finally a smarter postgraduate who can decide on what to read, what to do, and what to say.
That's the most important of all.
I need academic freedom.
Otherwise, just let me perish into the real world.
How I hate institutionalization.

The single and foremost character in Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter that I can relate, and that my heart goes to, is the scholar, whose industry has been turned to hatred by some outside darkforces. The minister is a piece of shit. The woman with an "A" is pitiful, still, she should cut ties with the scholar first before getting that infamous"A" -- adultery. What's the relationship with the above paragraph though? no no no, ha ha ha.. I just feel like writing..

Where comes the confusion?

Probably it is from the many things that I ain't - yet I believe I am capable of - doing.
It is going to take time. It's not like I don't know what and where I am at.
Luckily, I still have some money from my MPhil days to support myself against
my already-below-sea-level opinions about my present self.
As the saying goes, beggars can't be choosers..... Fine, it hasn't reached the point yet.....

The pressure is on. Being jobless is no fun.
Yet picking up a job that hinders my so-called progress is just not something intelligent to do.
I'm on a mission. Stay calm, and the current choice will be the right one.

Emotions aren't something easy to handle, you know.

I've just made my first discovery in Translation Theory!
I think by their standards, it does look like a minor breakthrough!

Not that I believe no one notices it before me,
but I ain't copying anything. It is totally original.

Foucault wrote that "The task of a translator is not to lead a meaning back to itself or anywhere else; but to use the translated language to derail the translating language."

Then a guy called Antoine Berman also wrote "translating first and foremost means liberating the violence repressed in the original work through a series of intensifications in the translating language (more commonly known as the target language, TL)"

When a foreigner come across an aphorism that he knows in a text, the emotion will be weaker because he has seen that aphorism before. He may even be so familiar about it that he doesn't feel much about the phrase. Yet if the same aphorism is translated into another language, the users of which just didn't have the same concept, so the emotion that comes with it will generally be stronger.

The effect of the same phrase is intensified. Translation in this way never gives the same effect as the original. The original text does not want to surprise the readers, yet readers of the translated texts will feel that surprise!

Translation is supposed to bring the same effect to the readers of the translated text as that the original text had brought the readers of the original. Yet this is just not possible.

This will be the point of my essay! Together with a case study of 錢鍾書's 《圍城》, or Nathaniel Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter, things are all but done! 5000 words what?

I can even talk about what translated-out texts mean to locals, like Ch'ien's The Fortress Beseiged~~ Or Louis Cha's The Book and the Sword~~ And I will also mention the particular situation in HK, or any bilingual societies, where people may prefer one language over another for reading experience.

Things I've done the last two weeks just come together all of a sudden!

Well, it does take the genius of Foucault and Breman to help me condense my thoughts.

Suddenly, I am more interested in writing this paper than the thesis.. wakaka!!

紅樓夢

第一次看 "言情小說" 就挑戰如此規模的，單是人物姓名已應接不暇。
看了五回，感覺裏面的詩詞歌賦通俗之餘，
卻已教俗人無法消受，唯有 "誠意正心、正襟危坐" 再看一遍了。
話又說回來了，名著雖妙，終屬消閒讀物，
過份看重參透內裏那些可能不存在的玄機，豈非辜負了作者一番美意？
還是先囫圇吞棗一回再說！

生死疲勞

活得唔過癮 ge 話，每日都係修行。好在迷惘 ge 時候去書局，通常都有新 ge 啟發。
我今日去睇左唔少 "華文" 作家 ge 書, 每本睇幾頁。

發覺.. 高行健真係.. 算啦.. 不斷咁你我他，d 句子結構又唔似中文，搞到人完全唔想睇.. 沈從文個 tone 勁得多..

另外見到莫言那老小子的《生死疲勞》，先唔理內容好唔好，不過睇個 motivation 同果種承先啟後 ge 決心，我就覺得值得睇好多.. 寫農村五十年來 ge 光景.. 雖然同我好似冇乜關係，不過都打算試佢一試..

但係嚮自己 ge 小說到成日用一句 "莫言那小子" 來引用自己其他作品就有點兒那個.. 不過論中文造詣，一睇就知高行健差幾皮..
佢 d 中文去到邊，我唔知，不過至少 clean and clear 咁囉.. 但哩個只係一個 impression, 唔見得係真相..

不如, 哈哈, 都係 pick up 返 d French 啦~~
一睇大仲馬就想學 French~~ Francais~~

遲 d 由中班開始讀~~ 都係跳左 90 (=120-30) 個 hours 姐~~
似乎都幾易學難精呀~~ 至少要學到識睇~~將音同義分割先~~

個人認為, 作為 scientists 最基本 ge 信念應該係：只要時間無限，就冇野學唔識~~
但係.. 我又好認同莊子喎..

不過殆咪殆囉.. 係唔係都殆架啦~~

It's time to take the next step forward

I'll try whatever ways to keep my spirits high.
If only I know how.

Should I devote myself in just one single thing?
It is subtraction by addition now.

Just focus on the arts of translation, perhaps?

Memory alone doesn't exactly define a person.
It is the way you interpret your memory that defines you.
In turn, the desires resulted from this interpretation are what make you a human being.

There're no ways to forget or escape from the desires.
And there're no better ways of living than to live through them,
and to try turning your righteous desires into reality,
however tired it can be.

Those that are not compatible with your moral system?
For the love of NATURE, just throw them away!

I don't think I'm in position to preach about this.
But I do think 學術 is kind of tiresome under this atmosphere. 藝術's better.

The arts of storytelling, rhetoric, poetry, music, calligraphy, or even painting,
all of them can give me a sense of peace that cannot be found anywhere else.

Hoho, really want to do a creative writing degree abroad.
Take this as a joke though, I pray you.

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Britishcouncil 60 anniversary scholarships??

If you are a permanent resident of Hong Kong SAR not currently working or studying in the UK, and you have applied for a Bachelor's course or Master's course at a participating UK institution, you are eligible to apply.

The British Council 60th Anniversary Scholarships celebrate their 60 years in Hong Kong by giving Hong Kong students the chance to experience a UK education. They are delighted to share their achievements by giving something back to the Hong Kong community through these awards generously donated by the institutions.

The nearly 50 scholarships to be awarded involve the waiving of tuition fees for one year of study in a school, college or university, for the academic year 2009/10. They may be for study towards a UK qualification either in the UK or Hong Kong.

http://www.britishcouncil.org/hongkong-education-60-anniversary-scholarships-postgraduate-study-2.htm

Today I have a new goal. I had it a few months ago, but I forgot.
I have to help my Dad to get his damn book published or printed in book-form.
I think he has kind of trapped himself in it.
Why don't I satisfy his wish if I have time?

That is after I went to the calligraphy class.

You know I really want to tell this seventy-something-year-old teacher,
"Hey, if you have anything uncertain about softwares, I am ready to help."
I mean, damn, old ppl shouldn't be trapped by these kind of craps.
I can do it in 5 minutes, maybe, but they may take an hour.. That's just too painful..

I really want to do them a favor if possible.
But if I want to help - even this teacher which I will see just 6 times more - why don't I help HIM instead?

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There's silliness on my part. I want to do so much stuff which has nothing to do with me.
Every person has their place??

I feel that I'm very passionate the last 24 hours or so.
Little by Little, Bit by Bit, By and By,
I am going to resume my toughness,
that was lost since some 12 months ago.

Damn, you shouldn't act like a beaten-up dog.
You are a human being,
and human beings are the only species that got a lot of works to do.
You must work to be one of them.

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Oh God, I am starting to feel satisfaction!
It does sound more logical now!
Look like I can really celebrate in a few days!

I think it's better to stop the swearing and get down to work.
You've gotta love working. Academic or not, it's going to be ur life soon.

Damn, it really depresses me

Man, I am really screwed up. I don't like it any more. I mean physics.
I think I won't like it again until I have some dough in my pocket.
I am not very good in following others' rules,
including the rules in academia, if you want to be specific.
I am better in making my own rules.
Damn, how it depresses me.
I haven't been whining that much for years.
Not until I run into the still unfinished thesis again.
What the fuck, if you want to hear me say that.
It's just a few days of work from being completed.
Why does it take so long? I know not.
There're just too much things on-going behind the scene.

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Don't worry about me though.
I am just writing.

I hate to say that

But doing an MPhil is just good for getting me a few bucks to pursue my dreams, if I still have any.
Before, I just don't have any money to fancy with, if you want to know the truth.
I am going to be a wise spender and all. And ain't me one now?

I used to think, in the last few months, the changes in me are due to the books.
Now I know, it is only the money.

Without the money, I don't even have the chance to feel solitary and all,
and if I don't feel that, I wouldn't even have looked into books, if you want to know the truth, again.

I am quite idealistic

So idealistic that just because I understand better now,
I find it hard not to give a damn when doing something meaningless.
The fact is, there isn't too much things that are meaningful in this world.

Paying tribute to the author of my choice

I am almost disgusted with myself saying what courses I'll take while indeed I should be doing something else. I'm still not entirely free yet. Damn. Anyway, these are the 3 courses for next semester:
1. Litorary Translaxin (This is for fun. The course I'm most looking forward to)
2. Translaxin of Publeak Relaxins Writin's (I'm gonna hell with something useful)
3. Natoral Language Procexin' (This is for knowledge. After this HOLY semester, I need something solid, and a good teacher that teaches. The other 2 are great too, I guess)

And still there's the Putonghua. A big plan. But you've gotta execute it.
After all these damn years, I can really speak "an" English with a different flavor. wakaka.
But I just can't understand why they all speak like that.
Except a few of them. The accent thing is infectious.

It is tormentin' to listen to such presenters 3 or 4 times a day.
Oh, or was it a night instead of a day?
What a lovely accent they have.
This lovely affliction of an accent.

It is even more tormentin' to hear somebody say,
"You've done such a nice presentation."

How great it could be were I the true author of it!!

In the recorded history of Chinese painting, the one who started the drawing of ink-plums [1] was a monk called Huaguang, more commonly known as Zhongren [1] (d. 1123), who lived during the Northern Song Dynasty. “When drawing plums earthlings apply coloured powder; this mountain monk mashes water inks instead” [2]. His hometown was in the present-day Zhejiang Province, yet he had for a prolonged period, lived in Huaguang Temple in Hengyang (Hunan). While admiring the beauty of plums through the air soaked in the lunar beam, he was inspired by “the sparse and flickering shadows of the twigs in the water” [3]. Thus began his drawing on mildly ink-misted papers, the plum blossoms as white patches. This successful depiction of the plums’ lonely beauty and cool dignity in the moonlit night was what made him famous.

Yang Buzhi’s (c. 1098 – 1167) [4] plums are different from Zhongren’s. The technique he used was, literally, “thin-lined flower circling”, or the “circled petal technique” [4] – each petal was completed in one single circular stroke. It was said that his drawings were imbued with “sharp and sturdy” calligraphy, which is what he drew his plums with. This could indeed be verified in his paintings from the “ringing sharpness and flying white [5]” of the twigs. Yang’s ink-flowers had once a chance encounter with Emperor Gaozong’s [6] eyes. The emperor himself loved the arts of painting, sort of; but on seeing it, he commented disapprovingly, and ridiculed it as “country plum” against the more exquisite and realistic “court plum”. Shown here is “Icy-tipped Plum Blossoms” [7] (Ceng-Die Bing-Xiao Tu), a piece by Ma Lin (c. 1185 – 1256) [8], son of Ma Yuan (c. 1155 – 1225) [8]. Although its composition and its artistic conception are also saturated with the literati’s spirit, its depiction of plums is still very much the typical style of court painting. Yang Buzhi did not feel shameful about his country aroma at all; on the contrary, he inscribed on his painting the four words “feng chi cun mei”, which meant “imperially endowed country plums”. This episode reflects the consciously manifest differences in aesthetics between the literati and the imperial court officials.

1 “The Dictionary of Art”, ed. Turner, J., vol. 6. New York: Grove’s Dictionaries (1996).
2 From Hua Zhen (Northern Song Dynasty), “Ti Zhongren Mojuan Meihua” in “Yunxi Jushi Ji”.
3 From Lin Bu (Northern Song Dynasty), “Shanyuan Xiaomei”.
4 “The Dictionary of Art”, ed. Turner, J., vol. 33. New York: Grove’s Dictionaries (1996).
5 Munsterberg, H., “Dictionary of Chinese and Japanese Art”. New York: Hacker Arts Books (1981).
6 Zhou Gou (1107 – 1187), was Southern Song Dynasty’s first emperor.
7 Website of “Beijing Zijin Cheng Tiandi Cultural Development Co., Ltd” (北京紫禁城天地文化發展有限公司) :
http://www.gugongworld.com.cn/songdai/cengdiebingxiao.html
8 “The Dictionary of Art”, ed. Turner, J., vol. 19. New York: Grove’s Dictionaries (1996).

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Doing translation is not funny at all when you have to quote references and add footnotes.